the other side of heaven

ito ang trip ng buhay ko... tara sakay ka, ako bahala sayo...

October 9, 2008

finally i'm free....

Cguro more than Two weeks na me na hindi nakapag update dahil ginawa ko ang dapat kung gawin.. Finally nag usap kami ng gf ko, hinarap ko at kinondition ko ang sarili para sa gagawin ko. Alam kong sobrang hirap at kelangan ng lakas ng loob para sabihin ko ang totoo.

Sept 28, sa greenbelt ininvite ko sya na magdinner sa isang restaurant dun, dahil nga sabi ko sa kanya may sasabihin ako sa kanyan importante... while waiting for the food na inorder namin kinukulit nya ako kung ano ba talaga ang sasabihin ko, sabi ko sa kanya, later na lang after tayong kumain.. baka naman kasi pag sasabihin ko na sa kanya itapo pa lahat ng food sa akin, buhusan ako ng tubig or drinks...

After naming kumain sobrang kinabahan ako di ko alam pano ko sasabihin, di ko alam kong panu ko umpisahan at sabihin ang totoo...

Huminga ako ng malalim pinikit ko mata ko for awhile and then, i look at her and said..

" I'm gay... im sorry...

naiyak ako pero di ko alam kong ano na gagawin ko after ko nasabi yon..

biglang isang malaking sampal ang nataggap ko at buti na lang nasa labas kami at wala na masyadong mga tao, paulit ulit nya akong sinampal... wala akong magawa kundi yakapin sya.. wala akong ibang masabi kundi sorry.. sori lang ako ng sori..

iyak sya ng iyak.. alam ko kunng gaano ko sya nasaktan..

then she left.. umiiyak sya... ill try na habulin sya pero wala na...

Oct 4 tumawag ako sa kanya at kumustahin sya.. di nya sinasagot ang tawag ko..

then nakatanggap ako ng txt from her..

" leave me alone... di ko pa kayang kausapin ka.. manloloko..."

I txtd her back.. " sorry..."

di ko na alam.. di ko mahanap ang tamang word para patawarin nya ako..

Now, mejo ok ako. di ko alam dahil ba nasabi ko na ang gusto kung nasabi...
alam ko darating din ag tamang panahon na she will understand me..

alam ko tama yong ginawa ko... kahit papano minahal ko sya on my own way, sa pagmamahal na
alam ko.. surely i will miss you.. pero i have to do this..

im sorry............ amanda..

6 comments:

Fjordan Allego said...

seryoso to??? tsk tsk... kawawa naman yung babae... tsk tsk...

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com/

RONeiluke, RN said...

hays... good for you, mate and for amanda. ayan ang tamang decision. wala ng ibang mas magandang paraan kung pano sasabihin yun. natural masasaktan siya at i'm not surprised na pinagsasampal ka niya but the important thing is you did the right thing...

peace out, mate :)

---

off the record, the voting is now open for the e[kwento]mo: emo writing contest. i almost forgot that i passed an entry—lamentations of a withered tin can. if you liked it, don’t hesitate to drop by this site and vote. voting will proceed until october 17 (friday). there are 15 entries from 15 aspiring emo bloggers. so if you have time, it would be nice if you check us out :)

http://kundiman.net/ekwentomo-entries/

xxxborgexxx said...

sana di mo sinabi. hehehe. nah, just my opinion. so long as you think you did the right thing and could live with it, that's cool. ...ano yang emo writing contest na yan? di ko alam. pwede ba ihabol mga entries ko? hehe.

xxxborgexxx said...

sana di mo sinabi. hehehe. nah, just my opinion. so long as you think you did the right thing and could live with it, that's cool. ...ano yang emo writing contest na yan? di ko alam. pwede ba ihabol mga entries ko? hehe.

The Mikologist said...

good job. i admire your courage. n_n

nung nag-out ako sa gf ko, we were still on courtship stage, and she said she could accept me like this. so naging kami for 5 years. we almost got married. kaso when i went abroad, i realized i personally don't wanna have the responsibility of a baby. kaya un.

"andami ko ng tinanggap sau, kahit gano kahirap, but this is the last straw. i won't waste my genes on you."
-------------Aileen, On Breaking Up

hahaha.

thanks for sharing.

n_n

marvin said...

ang brave mo! no worries kaxe she'll get over it - if she will look at the bright side.

but now that you're out, be a good person. be responsible. and again, just be a good person. that way, you will not regret this decision you made...not even once.

 

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